Confession 2

As I look down the empty hallway, the light pouring in through the screen in the sky, I can’t help but to see a smiling face in the distance. His eyes are deep and confusing. You can both see what he feels but are clueless to what he desires. Dark hair, thin form, tall stature. Who knew this boy would impact my life so much.

 

My name is of no significance; it is his that resonates within the dark recesses of my crowded mind. Person A, the name of my first love. I never thought this would happen to me. Freshmen year was the most wild and friendliest of my life. Running around, spinning until I dropped, so on and so forth. The life of a “naïve” girl trying to regain her childhood. I met Person A once before high school. He defended me from a so called friend who had spread horrid rumors about me.

 

We met once again during the second semester of his sophomore year. He was very secluded and withdrawn from everyone except his best friend, Josh. I remember walking to the bus stop everyday after school and see them laughing and conversing with each other, but as soon as he saw me he’d clam up. To me he seemed very lonely being by himself, so I continuously invited him to sit at the morning table and join me and my other friends. Within the week of him agreeing, I began to hug him. He was very nervous and timid about the closeness we shared in those brief embrace, but never shoved me off. Do not be mistaken, for I had no feeling for him at that time that I do now. I merely thought he felt like an outcast and wanted him to feel welcomed to the nosy group. He eventually warmed up after words and allowed me to do so. On the last day of school, he saved my grandfather’s memorial for me. We snuck into the building together after countless administrative personal kept trying to usher the students out. He led me to my locker so I could retrieve it and gave me comforting words to ease away the tears I had on minutes before.

Over summer, we spent day after day chatting on Yahoo!, GaiaOnline, and MySpace (along with another friend of mine). Needless to say, we fell in love. Over the course of my sophomore year we spent every day in each other’s company. Holding hands, sharing secrets of the past, and supporting one another in our schooling. No need to ask, because Yes! I did love him, too much really. He was a very jealous boy, however, and was never comfortable with me hugging my other friends (especially the boys). In November, he got into a huge argument with my best friend Person F and they both forced me to choose between them. I would hear nothing of the sort. I vowed to never take sides and tried to persuade them that this was not the right answer. Person A respected my opinion; Person F hated it. We were nearly ostracized, an experience I once had in elementary and not a very pleasant feeling, by her from all of our other friends. In February, she confronted me and I agreed to a truce without his consent. He hated her after seeing the way she made me cry on my birthday, and was very displeased with the actions that I took. Honestly, I only wanted peace.

 

In May, we shared our first break up. I was distraught, literally sick with grief. I was absent for almost a week because of it. He felt as though he had done nothing but upset me during the late of our relationship and tried to save me from more hardships, the fool. After seeing my pain, he made the decision to make up for what he had done. We were back together by the end of the month, with my parents’ disapproval.

 

That summer, we spent time talking on the phone, chatting on Yahoo! Messenger and “dating” on GaiaOnline. My parents were cruel in their strict policy. With these few rules, we were never allowed to go on an actual date. It would later be an indirect fault of more strife. After our first year anniversary, he was introduced to these two younger girls by a good friend of mine. Person D and Person C the pair that split us. In all fairness, I shouldn’t say anything wrong of Person C, for she didn’t try to wedge us apart. Person A and I were warned, however, by other friends of Person D’s malicious behavior. At first we took it seriously, but as weeks progressed Person A turned a blind eye towards the comments she’s say about and to me. Knowing fully well of my self-loathing attitude, she verbally attacked me with statements of how I was holding him back. Only a few times did I actually try to defend myself, which earned a scorn from my heart’s desire.

 

Once school started up again, we eventually drifted. He was busy with his new friends and senior duties, while I took on the role of supportive wife in the background. I knew he thought of leaving me for one of the two, so I did the one thing that could prevent him from turning into the being he hated the most: a cheater. I broke us up for his sake, and he turned it around on me. He made me regret it with his shouts of love and hurt. What hurts even more now is the fact that he was planning to do the same. Two weeks after our “fight”, he called me asking for help. He had been caught dating both Person D and Person C by the said girls. I couldn’t help him, I hurt too much.

 

After a month of separation, he came into my life again in January hoping to rekindle the friendship. It worked for a while, but was strengthen to his advantage after I got into an argument with Person F. He saw me crying after school because of what she said to me. I didn’t tell anyone what had happened, but he guessed it all. He’s my ex, of course he’s going to know what bother’s me. The next day Person A confronts her and is dragged out at the middle of lunch before it gets physical.

 

After spring break he took advantage of my trust. To summarize those three months, we dated in secrecy. I had fallen so low as to be a secret girlfriend while he dated the other in public. According to him, Person C knew and did not mind, but I find that very unlikely. After his graduation party, we argued about where our friendship stood. Did he even love me at that point, or did I become someone to take his frustrations out on?

I never found out and to this day I try to break all connections with him. He is blocked on almost all of my accounts. I will probably never forgive him for saying he was glad I might never have the chance to have a child. People say that I should forgive him so he won’t have power over me, but in my opinion: How can I forgive someone who won’t say he is sorry?

The moral of my little story is: be careful of who you give your heart, too. Person A was from a good family: his mom a paralegal and his step dad a firefighter. My dad and his step dad graduated together while my mom worked with him. Every teacher whom we had shared told me how good of a boy he was and how lucky I was to have him. He proposed to me three times! There is no excuse for being ignorant. My first love changed into a disaster because of the influence of a middle school girl.

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia

Advertisements

Flash Blub Memory

Flash Blub memory is the ability to see in vivid detail an event that one experienced. An example of a flash bulb memory that I have is the day my grandfather died. I was fourteen years old and the oldest of his grandchildren. He died after my first day of high school.

In my family’s culture, when a child reaches the age of fifteen, they go through this ceremony, which is considered they’re coming of age party, is known as a Quinceñera (or Quinceñero for boy).  Since I was the eldest, it was expected of me to hold this event first out of all the other grandchildren. It was being planned for months and so many things were being prepared from the table decorations to the colors and music style.

On August 15, 2006, I woke up feeling anxious and scared. It was my first day in high school, and I didn’t know if I was going to see all of my friends. With my mom’s permission, I called over my best friend Person F to pick me up so we could go in together. After a quick stop at the nearest gas station for some breakfast tacos and cokes, we were dropped off by her mother in front of the school. Feeling my heart race, we stood near the outside of the gym and kept a look out for those we knew. After picking up our schedules, I was feeling let down to see that I only had three friends in lunch while everyone else was on a different class period.

When everyone was together, we entered the building and searched for everyone’s first class room. To my dismay I was the first dropped off. My classroom was Photo Journalism, and on the board it welcomed both the Journalism and Yearbook students. I started joking with my friends, as we usually do that if they aren’t being nice I was going to keep them out of the yearbook. Then after a remark, I changed my mind and said I was going to put them all over the yearbook.

The class went by well and I met some older friends within it. In my next class I walked by myself to the building next door. After feeling lost, I found it and entered the room, immediately brightening up as I see some other class friends. Before the teacher entered, several older classmen entered looking for another teacher and writing graffiti on the board. It was made clear that my teacher was very strict about her work. After class, I asked if she had any extra credit work, since I knew science wasn’t my best subject and I passed last year because I was able to solve the chemistry equations. Of course she thought it was too soon for me to be asking that, “Besides, I don’t assign extra credit work.”

I can’t remember how the first day went in my AVID, French, and World Geography classes went, but I remember during lunch, it was very crowded. I was with my friends Person B, Person E and Person G, but we were having a hard time finding a table to eat at. Since my friend Person B was extremely timid, I put on a strong front for her and stood up to a lot of upper classmen that day. In my English class I was once again by myself. I knew only a few students in that class, but the teacher was very inviting. She became my favorite teacher that year. In my last class I had Person G again and several others. I was late for that class since it was on the opposite end of the main hallway. I rushed into the room and bowed as I apologized to the teacher, earning a few stunned looks and giggles from some classmates. It was very awkward for the remainder of the class, but I was glad I was able to make a good impression on my teacher and make him laugh. “You’re a big dork.” Person G had said as we walked to the bus area.

I had ridden this bus plenty of times before, so I wasn’t as nerves as I was in the beginning of that day. On the bus, I sat near the front by myself. I’m very quiet and shy when my friends aren’t around normally, so I was used to it. I had noticed that the boy across from me had a drawing on his binder that I liked. I wanted to talk to him, but was very nerves.

When I arrived home, I set to work on organizing the few notes I had on school supplies and the documents that needed to be signed for the teachers. After an hour or so of talking to my friend, Person F, my dad came home early from work. He was quiet and sat down next to me on my bed. I knew something wrong had happened so I hung up the phone and looked at him cautiously. It was then that he explained to me that my grandfather had passed away. He had been in and out of the hospital for months since his first heart attack, so I wasn’t sure if dad was saying the truth or if he was saying another joke. In the days of his funeral I missed the remainder of the week from school and spent that time in the funeral home. Everyone was hysterical except for the children, my mom and I. We knew that he wouldn’t want everyone to be upset at his funeral and would prefer laughter.

In the end the plans for my Quinceñera were scrapped and I had a smaller birthday party with my friends and some family members. Mom said that it was too soon for everyone, but it was still a huge disappointment considering Grandpa was looking forward to it.

A flashbulb memory is very useful to me to be able to remember the memories I have of my grandfather and of how peaceful he looked in his wake. This memory is very vivid to me and as accurate as I can make it.

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia

A Night In Mystic Forest

While walking down the dirt path, I saw endless rows of dark green bushes and tall oak trees. The clear sky had turned cloudy and dark as night came forth. I should have listened to my grandmother’s warnings about the forest, but it’s too late now; I’m lost. I just wanted to find my dog, Jay.

“Hello, little boy… What are you doing here?” a smooth and cold voice spoke from above me. I looked up to see another boy in a tree with piercing red eyes, bright, blond hair and a sharp, pointed tooth sticking out of the side of his lips. He jumped down and gazed deeply into my light brown orbs.

“Ano… I was just looking for my dog.” I reply as he runs his fingers through my messy, brown hair. The way his eyes scan me sends an uncomfortable chill up my spine.

“You are a human, correct?” he questions suddenly as a toothy grin forms on his features. What a weird question to ask; of course I was human. Wasn’t he one too? I answer his question honestly, gaining a menacing laughter emitting from him.
“This is great! I was looking for a delicious looking meal!” he exclaims before he bites my neck, so suddenly, with those sharp, long front teeth of his. I fall into a paralyzing state of shock as I realize what has happened. He was drinking my blood, my god given life force, thus debilitating me completely. I never had believed the stories the elders would tell, yet they were true. Vampires really did exist! It’s too bad that I wont be able to confirm it to others. If only I hadn’t gotten caught like this. As I fall into an eternal darkness, I notice something that I should have before. The older boy was wearing a blue dog collar with a tag on it. A tag that read, “Jay”.

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia