Prayer for the Mute

I’m sorry I’m not perfect.

I’m sorry I can’t give you everything.

I’m sorry I can’t be there all of the time.

But most of all, I’m sorry I ever

Tried anything for you…

Crystalline drops of sorrow and rage

Forever flow until there is

The bitter and cold emptiness

Inside with nothing to

Replace what has been lost…

The pit is near and once one

Jumps there’s no turning back.

What awaits at the bottom?

Death or solitude?

Time to make a choice: face truth or run?

Fall Forever.

Won’t sing or breath is stolen.

All is calm as the wind caresses ones soul.

Can only wait for the soil

And listen to songs of everyone on the ledge watching.

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia

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Loop

Sometimes I just want to quit… and I try to convince myself that it’s just a little bit of time left and it will all be over. It’s only a hill not a mountain and I can get through this. One foot in front of the other and I will soon be done. What if it’s not though? I want to hope I can manage, yet this abysmal feeling in my chest just screams back at me that it’s too much and I need to let something go before everything pulls me down all together. It’s just too much. It’s not worth doing it all at once. I need more time, more days in a week. Of course, that’s not possible and I should just give up. I don’t know if it is all the work or all the struggles or lack of time or if it’s just nothing at all but in my mind. Just a fear on repeat. Just an over processing imagination, but every hour seem more anxious than the last and nothing has let up just yet. I can convince myself to go for a few more miles, but it all catches up again. I just keep going in a loop… Sometimes I just want to quit… and I try to convince myself that it’s just a little bit of time left…

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia