Mirror

Hanging loosely on the wall.

Every day there for all.

Walk up to it for a peak.

Shining back, pale and meek.

See yourself in its rims.

Your reflection grins.

For this is not you,

But what is true.

Deep desires locked away.

All come out to play.

Reveal themselves to the world.

Nature of heart is swirled.

Molded to show

What you wish to not know.

Monstrosity and sin

Is what you have been.

Hide it all from your friends

Family and all that bends.

But you can’t deny what’s true

This is the real you.

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia

 

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Deprived

As I walk down the hallway,

I notice there is many things to see.

If I look into the eyes of others

I will see what they wish no one else to see…

As I think back on my life,

I have heard evil.

I have seen evil.

I have done evil.

Spoke it; dreamed it;

Wished it; even more!

It is all around me…

… It is in me…

Some people like to share…

Some like to care…

Some like to experiment…

Some don’t even dare.

If you look at me, what do you see?

A shy smile; a modest form;

A soft voice; a pink blush…

Yet is it real?

Don’t ask me.

I won’t tell.

I can’t tell,

For I don’t know myself…

Am I so good at

Hiding my feelings that

No one will ever believe

That This is how I am?

Am I a sheep in

Wolf’s clothing,

Or is it the other

Way around?

I know how I can be…

It is so easy…

To let it all out,

And ruin it all.

If I do snap

And not turn back…

…Will I change

Completely?

I am tied…

I am bound…

I’m on the floor…

…To lure you in.

You see me,

Helpless and scared.

Your hand reaches to help,

Then I smirk and chain you there.

It’s all a trick!

It’s all a lie!

I am sick!

I am deprived…

You are shocked.

You ask why.

I bound you more.

“You are mine.”

I have my way.

You have no choice.

You are my pet.

I am torn.

I don’t want to hurt you!

But I love to see blood…

I don’t want to hurt you!

But I love to see tears…

I am sick! I am sick!

How can I think that way?!

I will release you… but

… Will you stay?

I can be loving.

I can be caring.

I can be submissive.

Will you help me?

I have calmed.

I am at peace.

But I may snap again…

…Don’t leave, please.

I can be controlling.

I can be obedient.

I can be sadistic.

I can be healing.

I am two.

Not one.

I love it both!

I can’t choose at all.

If you like soft,

But not demanding.

If you like it rough,

But not sweet.

You are not for me.

You buy one

You get the other.

Like an Airheads Extreme.

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia

Prayer for the Mute

I’m sorry I’m not perfect.

I’m sorry I can’t give you everything.

I’m sorry I can’t be there all of the time.

But most of all, I’m sorry I ever

Tried anything for you…

Crystalline drops of sorrow and rage

Forever flow until there is

The bitter and cold emptiness

Inside with nothing to

Replace what has been lost…

The pit is near and once one

Jumps there’s no turning back.

What awaits at the bottom?

Death or solitude?

Time to make a choice: face truth or run?

Fall Forever.

Won’t sing or breath is stolen.

All is calm as the wind caresses ones soul.

Can only wait for the soil

And listen to songs of everyone on the ledge watching.

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia

Loop

Sometimes I just want to quit… and I try to convince myself that it’s just a little bit of time left and it will all be over. It’s only a hill not a mountain and I can get through this. One foot in front of the other and I will soon be done. What if it’s not though? I want to hope I can manage, yet this abysmal feeling in my chest just screams back at me that it’s too much and I need to let something go before everything pulls me down all together. It’s just too much. It’s not worth doing it all at once. I need more time, more days in a week. Of course, that’s not possible and I should just give up. I don’t know if it is all the work or all the struggles or lack of time or if it’s just nothing at all but in my mind. Just a fear on repeat. Just an over processing imagination, but every hour seem more anxious than the last and nothing has let up just yet. I can convince myself to go for a few more miles, but it all catches up again. I just keep going in a loop… Sometimes I just want to quit… and I try to convince myself that it’s just a little bit of time left…

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia