Thoughts on Regret

My life is shit.

There is no denying it.

My mom is one of the worst.

To me at least.

I know there are

Far more worse people

With children’s living through hell.

They are evil.

Just cause they have

Worse lives, I’m

Told to be grateful.

For what?

Because they survive?

They don’t choose it.

They don’t like it.

Some even die.

But I’m not them.

I can’t live like this.

I can’t survive mentally

And physically this way.

If I could, I would

Switch places with

The younger children

Suffering from abuse, starvation, war, etc.

I can’t live with

Guilt, remorse,

Rage, sorrow,

Hatred, etc.

He did the worst

Thing you could

Do to one with

Abandonment issues.

He hurt me

An infinite

Times worse

Then she did.

She was my

Best friend

And almost

A sister…

He thought

There was

More to it

With her.

They fought.

They yelled.

They hurt and

Left me to die.

He knew.

She didn’t.

I didn’t.

That I had cared for her more than that…

I realize it

Now. That

Makes it

Hurt more…

She hurt me

A trillion

Times worse

Than mom.

Mom had me.

Mom raised me

Until I turned four.

Then she blamed me.

She took me from

Dad and left

Me home alone

At eight.

She yelled and

Blamed me

For everything

Including little bro’s death.

She neglected.

She ignored

Me during illness,

Ostracization, and more.

How many

Time did i

Try to end it

Then she walks in?

She didn’t stop it.

She saw me hang.

She saw the blood.

She saw the tears.

She saw it all.

But overlooked it.

She left me

To die!

But I didn’t.

I couldn’t.

I wouldn’t for

My brothers.

For my father

And “sisters”

And “brothers”

And friends.

I couldn’t

Now I’m here again.

Knife in my back.

Noose around neck.

Pills in my mouth.

Water in my lungs.

Gun to my heart.

But I’m still here.

I survived…

…For now.

I’m alone

I’m alone.

I care too much.

I love too much.

I hurt too much.

Take it away.

Cut open my

Chest; pull out

My heart and

Seal my back up.

I can’t trust it.

I can’t use it.

It is already grounded to dust,

So why should I bother?

 

https://www.patreon.com/Kamia

 

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